This is riDICulous, because you know I’m gonna tell you how much I like this movie. And you know that I will like it despite it being long, bloated, convoluted, silly, bloodlessly violent, historically inaccurate, improbable, and frustrating to follow.
It’s also funny, trippy, scary, unexpected and entertaining.
There. I’ve used up all my words.
It’s a two hours and forty five minute hallucination. The visuals are gorgeous, even the slimy scenes. I can’t comprehend how they did some of these scenes. If you’re a movie fan, I’d recommend this one just for the wow factor.
Also, um, I love Johnny.
I of course loved the whole section in which ol Captain Jack is working out his bad karma in an ocean of sand. It didn’t have much to do with the plot but it was fascinating. Is Jack in hell? Or is this kind of just a typical moment inside the brain of Jack Sparrow? Is there any difference? This may have been my favourite part. I felt pretty good about the whole thing. My brain works much that way.
I can’t tell you what actually happens in this movie. Not because I refuse to give spoilers: I truly can’t tell you. I am not really sure what the heck happened and basically I’m telling you about the movie simply as an excuse to post some cool photos.
Nothing went the way I expected which I really appreciated. I hoped that it wouldn’t be repetitive and boring and I wasn’t disappointed. However I got very worn out from all the nearly unwatchable fight scenes. Clang clang yell. Whatevs.
In this movie, for every question answered, there will be a new question.
And yes, keep your eyes open for the little strut from Keef Richards. It really had nothing to do with anything other than just proving how heavy Richards is and how much of a pirate he is. I don’t think they had to put much make up on him. He looks incredible. I think his seven minutes on screen were put there just to remind us what a legendary rebel looks like.
I was a little irritated with a few things. Like, why put Geoffrey Rush and Bill Nighy up against Johnny Depp in the same movie and then not use them to their full effect? What was the mark Sparrow left on Beckett? Why did I find all these shots on the internet that have nothing to do with the movie?
I thought what happens to Norrington was a copout. And although I could handle the ending, (edit: although the more I think about it the less satisfied I am with it,) the stupid little coda after the credits was useless. (edit: and kind of negates everything...again, had some time to think about it...)
Especially since, let’s face it, this really is a story about Elizabeth. She started it when she spotted a young pirate ship survivor floating in the fog. She caused all the friction between romantic rivals. She’s the one with the most costume changes, for crying out loud! She, out of all of them, is the biggest pirate of all.
One more note- this sucker’s pretty scary in some places. If you’re taking children to see it, be aware of their scariness toleration level. (Sorry I don’t have a chart available for reference.) It starts off with a mass hanging and just gets worse from there.
It’s more intense than the first two. It’s got more action, more craziness, more characters, more twisted plots, more double-triple-and-quadruple crosses, more Barbossa, more Sparrow, more swashing, more buckling, more wriggling tentacles, more Bruckheimer! I think Jerry Bruckheimer looked it all over and leaned over to Gore Verbinski and said, “Blow more stuff up. Blow up stuff that’s already blowing up. And then blow up that too.”
It was worth the ticket and the numb bum, but it’s going to get expensive because I’ll have to see it three more times until I figure out....what...the hell....happened...in this movie!
