Fragile Things by Neil Gaiman

I'd heard the name Neil Gaiman whispered and discussed with great reverence, but it took me ages to get my hands on one of his books. Now I don’t know what the heck was wrong with me to take so long.

If you’re not familiar with his work you might not be sure exactly what he writes. Horror? Fantasy? Graphic novel? Screenplays? Poetry? Children’s?

YES.

All of those. And if you’re like me and new to this, I highly recommend Fragile Things. It’s a collection of short stories, poems, and prose that defies category. You’ll find mythology, aliens, imagination, fantasies and nightmares.

I have a copy and I’m hooked. Big fan. Big shiny new fan, that’s me.



Oh and also he’s English. I love English men. I really do adore English men. (If Johnny Depp was English I’d forget my own name. I digress, sorry.)

Neil Gaiman will entrance you and completely sicken you. He can make you smile or maybe even laugh. The emotional roller coaster ride is worth every second. He has the ability to make every single on of these pieces different from the one before it. Just be prepared-- late at night, you might need to read the next story looking for a less jolting memory as you drift off the sleep. And be warned-- you might be reading for a long time.


Fragile Things is subtitled “Short Fictions and Wonders” which I think is perfect.

A word about the packaging, because you know how much the visual and tactile senses appeal to me: this book is GORGEOUS. The smooth white hardcover wears a jacket of what appears to be tissue paper but I suspect might be a lot tougher. I'm not brave enough to try to rip it. I'm ridiculously precious with my books. The inside covers are a peaceful robin's egg blue. Nice contrast to the turmoil inside. And I can't do this packaging justice by describing it. It has to be picked up and felt and examined with your own eyes. Take the jacket off. Look what happens to the images. Run your hands over it. (Now, slink out of the bookstore before they all start lookin at ya funny. )

If you ever felt the need to have your brain opened and your imagination expanded, this is the tool for the job.

I have to award this collection with FIVE JOHN DEERE TRACTORS but they are time travelling, web spinning, phantasmagorical vampire tractors.

Night At The Museum

What do you see when your group includes two people in their forties, two people in their thirties, a 14 year old, a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 9 year old?

See this.

It's not brilliant or perfect in any way, but there's something for everybody. Yes, it aims to teach you all that a museum is a swingin fun rockin place to go for entertainment, and yes it gets rather preachy about it. We didn't really need that lesson. We love museums with a damn near geeky enthusiasm. (We don't get out much.)

I was afraid this would be like Jumanji II. Luckily for me this one isn't nearly as stressful.

Did I mention preachy? It comes from the Divorced Dad trying to redeem himself to his kid, his ex wife, and her squeaky clean and ambitious new man.

Oh and there's also the theme of Dreamer Who Can't Get It Together And Always Gives Up, Moving On To The Next Crazy Get Rick Soon Scheme.

It goes like this: Larry needs a job. He gets sent to the Museum of Natural History, where the three night guards are being squeezed out of their job and are to be replaced by one guy. They get to choose the guy.

As it turns out, they're not quite as feeble as they first appear to be. Everything in the museum comes to life after dark, and they have it all figured out how to deal with the chaos that erupts. Now Larry has to figure out how control a puppy of a tyrannosaurus, armies of tiny fighting guys, and Attila the Hun. Plus there's a monkey who's got it in for him.

Ben Stiller plays it like Ben Stiller. He's reeeeelly reeeelly gooddd looooking. It's a likeable performance.

Of course, Owen Wilson shows up, as a tiny over excited cowboy, just because Stiller and Wilson are like Peas And Carrots.

Robin Williams keeps it together and does not chew up the whole movie. What restraint!

The plot is easy enough to follow for kids, but not so incredibly dumb that we older folks zoned out.

There are plot problems, minor ones, but I would like to harp on a little peeve of mine. When our boy Larry jumps on the Former-President's-Wax-Likeness' horse and saves the day, I give up. The average New Yorker can jump on a horse for the first time and gallop across Central Park to save the day? If you are a New Yorker and you could full gallop a horse like that, please tell me so that I can stand corrected. Dammit, it's scenes like this that make life very difficult for riding instructors! Ok, rant over.

I especially loved the trio of cantankerous old guys. I love it that they are much stronger and smarter than we expect. Let's hear it for old guys!!! (Yeah, I'm old enough to remember when Dick Van Dyke was on my black and white TV!)

I don't think it's a classic, but it doesn't stink to high hell. I'll give it...

THREE JOHN DEERE TRACTORS!

the Hick Chic Best & Worst of 2006 Awards!

I'm doing it my way, featuring only the silly crap that matters to me in my small, overgrown, slightly dirty corner of the world...

BEST DRESSED (group)
The Raconteurs



BEST DRESSED (solo)
Johnny Depp


BEST RENAMING OF AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING
Me! For doing away with the hateful moniker of "wife beater" and hereby declaring the white tank top be called a HICK HUGGER! See?!?

BEST LINE SPOKEN BY A FICTIONAL PIRATE AFTER A SLIMY HANDSHAKE

"I feel sullied, and...unusual..."

WORST WASTE OF A SOUTHERN GIRL WHO SEEMS PERFECTLY NICE BUT DOESN'T SEEM ALL SO BRIGHT Nothing is going in the right direction in that photo. You know it's bad when you find yourself thinking that her rotten good for nothin husband was better than who she's hanging around with now. Girl, go home and feed your children.

BEST LOOKING BIOLOGICAL THIRD CHILD BORN TO GORGEOUS HUSBAND STEALER/ CHEAT COMBO
Sigh. Good looks are not the most important thing in the world. Repeat.
Y'know, they better stay together after all that work. Cute family, seriously.

BEST HAIR
Andrew Stockdale of Aussie rock band Wolfmother.


WORST SELF ESTEEM BEATING
Ashlee Simpson's old nose.
I feel sorry for the old nose. It didn't do anything to deserve this kind of ostracization.
It's done. It ain't gonna grow back. Way to go kid, you look like a Barbie doll clone now. I don't even know you.

And... suddenly I stopped caring.

BEST ALBUM FROM 1971 MADE IN 2006 BY PEOPLE BORN IN THE 80s

Wolfmother.

MOST UNLIKELY ALBUM TO BE LOVED BY A HICK
AFI, Decemberunderground.I know. Stop teasing me about the Guyliner. Okay. I know.

BEST SONG STUCK IN HEAD (non irritating)
"Crazy" by Gnarls Barkley. What an incredibly catchy tune! That guy has a voice like...like...clouds...or like, candy...or his voice is like that feeling in your belly when you're so happy but you don't know why and all you know is that you wanna stay right where you are? Like, that's that guy's voice. Duzzat make me craaaayyzzzayyyy?????

THE "I'LL HAVE TO HOSE YOU DOWN FIRST, BUT OKAY" AWARD (fictional character)
Captain Jack Sparrow


BEST 3 WAY SWORDFIGHT SEQUENCE INVOLVING TWO HANDSOME BRITISH ACTORS AND ONE JOHNNY DEPP
ahhhhhhhhhh......what?

THE "IT COSTS SO MUCH TO ENTERTAIN US" AWARD
King Kong. I can't comprehend what this monstrosity cost to make and I'm ashamed to be a white North American who stupidly paid to see it. I'll never get that 3 1/2 hours of my life back.

THE "IT TAKES A HECK OF AN ACTOR TO DARN NEAR STEAL A MOVIE FROM JOHNNY DEPP" AWARD...especially when said actor's real face is obscured by a virtual squid face...
Bill Nighy as Davey Jones


BEST BLOG

Mine, and yours and yours and yours and yours and yours. We're all good.



Alright 2007. I AM READY FOR YOU.