Perfectly swishy costumes, just slightly faded/ worn/ misused? Check.
Twisted storyline with an over the top, unbelievable premise? Check.
I HAD TO SEE THIS. Seriously, I was waiting for this one for a year.
Oh, as a bonus, buckets and buckets and pails and gallon drums and tanker truck loads of red paint. Blood fest. I'm not usually into horror movies. Let me clarify that: I can't watch horror movies. I made an exception for Burton's Sleepy Hollow, which is just gorgeous to look at. Mostly. I didn't care in this case though, because The List was so perfectly filled. I will sit through the bloodbath if Tim Burton started it. Good lord I hope he never tries his hand at reality TV. hahahaha.
And did I mention that this is a MUSICAL?!
Well that changed everything for me. Seriously. How can I have nightmares about the slashing of some poor fella's throat if the person doing the slashing is singing about it?
I knew the basic premise of SWEENEY TODD but hadn't seen it or knew how it ended. It is a twisted tale of a wrongful conviction, of unrequited love and dirty old men, and a lust for murderous revenge. It is also a nighmarish cautionary tale about personal grooming and questionable eating establishments.
So extremely, very much, unpleasant.
I was not disappointed. Johnny Depp carried this role of beautifully, and I'm not just saying that because he could read the phone book and I'd gush about how nuanced his performance was. He's tortured inside, and he is relishing his own pain. He's absolutely blinded by it. You can imagine that he's so consumed with revenge that he might not fully remember anymore what started it, just that he will have vengeance!!!
It's earned him an Oscar nomination.
Is it possible that a movie about a murderous plot can be so beautiful to look at? The light is handled so perfectly, and there's not much light to go around. It's dark, shadowy, like a photograph taken a century ago and left in an attic to fade. Every detail is perfect, right down the slime on the bricks, the stubble on Alan Rickman's face and the grunge in Mrs Lovett's disgusting pie shop.
I was stunned by all the texture: cracked leather, rippled glass windows, dusty floors. What a visual experience.
The movie is all dark, faded, wet gloom, designed in black and shades of grey with a few recurring splashes of red: blood, Mrs Lovett's dirty crimson dresses. The few jolts of colour are shocking. Todd's first victim is a peacock flash of bright blue; he doesn't last long. Mrs Lovett's fantasy scene is a bleached out and pale vision of what would have been a sunshine and brightness.
May I just say that I love Helena Bonham Carter. It's like this role was made for her face. May I also say that Alan Rickman is the most perfect elegant villain in his opulent clothes and oily voice.
The songs are really the skeleton of the movie. I know this whole mess was originally a very successful Broadway play, but having never been to Broadway, didn't know the music at all. These are some jaunty, catchy, well written songs! They have stuck in my head weeks later, and not in that annoying teen-diva kind of way. Best of all, the songs were delivered with fierce scenery chewing expression. It looked perfectly right that Mr Todd and Mrs Lovett should break into song when discussing their murderous plans.
Now I don't know if we were supposed to laugh, and it's quite possible that we deeply offended the other eight people cringing in the dark theatre, but we followed every horrified cringe with an uncomfortable laugh. It was all just so extreme. Gush, pour, splat!!! We doubled over and groaned with idiotic grins on our faces.
Wow. Eye popping! Lovesick conniving! Striped stockings! Those angry creases between Mr Todd's eyebrows!
We left the theatre feeling a little bit lightheaded and sick to our stomachs. Especially Jethro. I grew up watching various veterinarian procedures being performed, all of which involved some blood. My townie husband can't deal with it. He was a little green.
We couldn't stop talking about it all the way home. Jethro didn't see the ending coming. He was pretty disgusted. But couldn't stop talking about what a great movie it is.
There's something special about entertainment that slaps you across the face with repulsion but leaves you thinking that you can't wait to see it again. You wanna know something though? I don't think it would have been the same if anybody else had been involved in it.
I'd love to hear some opinions on this nasty little piece of work...
Welcome everybody! Hunker down with your popcorn and whatever refreshing beverage you've chosen, and enjoy the show!
Lots of stuff happened in 2007 but really, over here in this neck of the woods it's all about what entertained us. Let's take a look...and hand out some MAJOR AWARDS!!
THE "BEST MOST PERFECT ALBUM OF THE YEAR" AWARD goes to...
Watch the video- lots of long blonde hair, big grins, and T Bone Burnett rockin out! I think I need to borrow her dress and boots for my next big real life awards show.
THE "I LOVED IT BUT JETHRO THOUGHT IT SHOULD SOUND BETTER" AWARD goes to...
The White Stripes, Icky Thump.
Jethro was disappointed in the sound of the record. He has really high standards, is consistently disappointed by what's hitting the air and the store shelves, and has always trusted our man Jack White to make a good sounding record for him. He took it pretty hard. Digs the songs though. Me, I still love Jack White. Pretty much unconditionally.
THE "NOT JUST FOR MALLPUNKS, MOMMY LOVES IT TOO" AWARD goes to...
FAMOUS LAST WORDS by Hedley.
The song in this here video also qualifies this band for THE "I CAN'T BELIEVE I LIKE THIS BALLAD" AWARD. Good job, boys!!
THE "BEST COUNTRY SONG" as well as JETHRO'S "HOT IN A CRAZY SCORNED ANGRY CHICK KIND OF WAY" AWARD goes to...
Carrie Underwood.
I don't generally condone violence against pickup trucks. Jethro doesn't usually dig blondes. But hot damn.
And now, THE "GOOD THING WE ALL STILL LIKE EACH OTHER" AWARD will be shared by the following acts, because this was a huge year for REUNION TOURS!!
The Police got back together!
I didn't see it. I am so ashamed of myself for not even catching the Grammy Awards this year. Shame.
Van Halen got back together!
Well, sort of. Michael Anthony split, and without him...I mean, he's so underrated! When I want my Van Halen, I want the crashing cymbals, I want the shredding brownsound guitar, and the arrogant, tongue-in-cheek borderline comedic frontman...and I want the rock solid bass and sweet background harmonies! I miss Mike. I have no doubt young Wolfgang can do the job- he grew up with it after all- but you know, Edward has been known to fire bandmates...although he has kept his brother around for over twenty years...
Regardless, I didn't see anything on YouTube worth sharing. I refuse to post a link because why should all of our hearts be broken? I'd rather put on my Van Halen II cassette and be happy. For what it's worth, Diamond Dave was short haired, high foreheaded, white toothed, leather clad, and awesome. Gotta have a bright point here.
Rage Against The Machine got back together!
I didn't see it. I would have loved to. I would have taken the kids too. Except for the crowds and all that, y'know. But seriously. Rage. They are just as relevant now as they were 10-15 years ago.
So I wasn't there, but from what I dug up on the intermittent net, they were awesome. TimCom with his terrifying tattoos and massive arms, Fender P-Bass up under his pits! Crazy Zack with his afro! Morello arming the homeless with mystifying moves and his guitar jammed up even higher under his pits! Cute little Brad Wilk behind the kit keeping the whole thing on track!
I hope there's a DVD coming. I can only hope.
And the really big news...
Led Zeppelin got back together.
Sort of. As much as physically possible without the late great John Bonham.
I wasn't there.
Don't even get me started. I couldn't go. Even if I could have, I couldn't have. I might have spontaneously combusted. Or exploded. Or imploded. Dangerous. Better to stay home and imagine what could have been. Trust me.
The next day, our YouTube search had Jethro and me alternately groaning and shivering at the magnificence of the Best Band In The World Ever...even if the Bonzo was the Junior version.
Here...complete with the big screen and feedback squeals...
It's as close as some of us will ever get.
Even with some dooooode hollerin along with it, all captured on somebody's crappy little cellphone, you get how awesome this must have been...
And like I said I wasn't there. In my dreams.
THE "JUSTIN HAWKINS FALSETTO" AWARD goes to the young chap who's also the recipient of the 'THERE WILL ONLY EVER BE ONE FREDDY MERCURY BUT SOMETIMES WE GET A LIVE ONE" AWARD:
Now you all know I pretty much live under a rock. Who is this person??? Where did he come from? Lebanon? Paris? London? All of the above? I don't normally listen to pop but this catchy tune has a vocal that slapped me upside the head. Kaching is right, baby!
I read a lot this past year. I read for education- to see what's being published these days- and I read for the pure joy of it. There were a lot of good books in 2007.
THE "BOOK THAT BLEW MY MIND" AWARD goes to...
ANTHEM OF A RELUCTANT PROPHET by Joanne Proulx.
Oh looky here, a video...
A 17 year old smart mouth slacker with too much smarts for his own good suffers from death premonitions and missing girl posters while skateboarding around his nasty little town. Blood, death, religion, sex, White Stripes and Red Hot Chili Peppers. All the good stuff.
THE "BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE" AWARD goes to...THE INVENTION OF HUGO CABRET by Brian Selznick.
Watch this!
THE "BEST KID BOOK THAT ANYBODY WITH A TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOUR CAN LOVE" AWARD goes to...
ALEX AND THE IRONIC GENTLEMAN by Adrienne Kress!
It's freaky deaky cheeky fun with healthy dash of darkness....that agreeable combination that a parent and kids can all enjoy together!
THE "MEMOIR THAT COULD CHANGE THE WORLD" AWARD goes to
PRISONER OF TEHRAN by Marina Nemat
Honestly I was afraid to read this book. She was imprisoned as a teenager and tortured. I am so glad I read it though, because ultimately it is a story of hope. It's the story of a fierce independence that will not be silenced. It's about peace. Read it.
THE "PARANORMAL ROMANCE, VAMPIRE WEREWOLF LOVE TRIANGLE" AWARD goes to...
ECLIPSE by Stephenie Meyer.
Are you kidding me? Edward may be physically perfect, educated, elegant, intelligent, freakishly strong, gentlemanly, musically talented, did I mention physically perfect- male model- gorgeous? But, like, cold, dude, and control freak much? Like, I'd totally take the ginormous 6' 7" brown skinned, black haired, funny, daredevil, sweetheart innocent minded hot skinned puppy dog native kid from the reservation up the road, any day. Did I mention 107 degrees hot? Literally, Jacob Black is hot. Bella is, like, such a drip. Can't stand the sight of blood and she's gonna marry a vampire. Duh. I cannot wait to see what Jacob's gonna do in the next book!!!!
THE "BITTERSWEET IT'S OVER" AWARD goes to...
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS by JK Rowling. Call me sappy but I cried all the way through it. Yeah, it really frustrated me in places. But where it excelled, it was amazing. Dobby, Snape, the Weasleys. Was the epilogue cheesy? Yeah. But look at it this way: after all the drama, a dash of peaceful normality was kinda nice.
THE "HEARTWARMING UPLIFTING TRAGICOMEDY TRIUMPH" AWARD goes to...
LOTTERY by Patricia Wood.
A) No matter who you are, you should read this book. B) Who do you consider a hero? C) Who are your real friends and family? D) Does money really matter? E) Does intelligence really matter? F) These characters are gems.
THE "DAMAGED HERO" AWARD goes to...
UNDERCOVER PROTECTOR by Molly O'Keefe. I don't actually read much romance, but if you want to learn how to put together a plot, I suggest checking it out. A romantic hero has to have some emotional flaw that gives our heroine a challenge, but this hero is damaged physically as well. He's also charming, funny, and complex- everything to make a reader cheer for him. Plus, this is one gritty little story.
THE "LAUGH, CRY AND FEEL GOOD BY THE END" AWARD goes to...
THE PENNY TREE by Holly Kennedy. I don't want to say too much about the plot because I don't want to give it away! I will say that the heroine's strange predicament- an anonymous admirer posts ads in the paper looking for her- adds up to some comedic moments, culminating in a surprise twist and yes, a couple of nose tingly teary moments. She's good that way.
THE "I ONLY GO SEE ESCAPIST FANTASY AT THE MOVIE THEATRE" AWARD goes to...
Me!
THE "MICHELLE PFEIFFER ROCKS AND I WANT A GOAT CHARIOT" AWARD goes to...
Stardust!
THE "GREAT VISUALS, THOSE KIDS ARE REALLY GROWING UP, AND ALAN RICKMAN RULES" AWARD goes to...
Harry Potter And The Order of the Phoenix
THE "CONVOLUTED SWAGGERING RIDICULONG" AWARD, THE "I DON'T CARE I STILL LOVE IT" AWARD, AND THE "JOHNNY DEPP COULD READ THE PHONE BOOK AND I'D WATCH" AWARD goes to...
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
It is also the recipient of THE "I LOVE BRITISH MEN" AWARD (well that's obvious) as well as THE "I LOVE AUSTRALIAN MEN" AWARD
THE "KEEF IS WICKED COOL" AWARD
THE "EYE CANDY BEST PRESENTED COVERED IN GRIME" AWARD
as well as THE "SERIES OF AWESOME LINES AND GREAT SCENES HELD TOGETHER BY A MOSTLY CRAP MOVIE" AWARD.
Oh and I almost forgot- THE "DAMN YOU, SHE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HER OWN SHIP, SHE'S THE BIGGEST PIRATE OF EM ALL" AWARD. In other words, don't stick around for the epilogue after the credits.
Oh I almost forgot to forget- THE "JERRY BRUCKSPLOSION PYRO AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN BLOWING S*** UP" AWARD! That pretty much goes without saying, really.
THE "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I MISSED THIS" AWARD goes to...
Me, again.
There was a BRAD PITT COWBOY MOVIE and I did not see it.
Seriously, what was I thinking????
The scenery looks so bleak and beautiful. Never mind that I pretty much know how the story ends...
THE "BEST MOVIE OF 2007 THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN" AWARD goes to...
Sweeney Todd. It showed up here just a week before the year ended...and I haven't been able to get out of the house to see it. Damn you, music industry! Let Jethro go! Unshackle him! I don't want to go see it alone because it's all, like, scary and stuff. Bloooooody! But so stylin...
But you know how I feel about Tim Burton. You know this. All the still shots are gorgeous- dark, shadowed, with a palette of black and grey and crimson. Just beautiful. Some of my favourite actors are in this film! Johnny! Helena! Alan Rickman!!!
I have to sweet talk somebody into seeing this movie with me!
Best of all, high point of my year, favourite award here...
THE "RECORDING ENGINEER OF THE YEAR/ GUY I LOVE THE MOST IN THE WHOLE WORLD" AWARD goes to...
I ride, I read, I write. I share my life with a husband, two teenagers, a Pug, a scary house cat, and three horses. Pink is my favourite colour. I used to hate it but then my brain got rearranged and now I like it so much I sometimes dye my hair pink. I'm slightly crazy and I believe we should all stop saying crazy like it's a bad thing. I write novels - like as in, I start them and actually finish them - and I fully intend to be a published author. I teach people how to ride horses for a living, and I love my job! All I ever wanted to do was ride my ponies and write my stories. Hey, that's what I do! Lucky, lucky me. Join me for horses, trucks, Johnny Depp, antidepressants, beer, trashy pop culture, interior desecrating, Jesus, John Deere, and rock stars. Yeeaahhh! We'll laugh and cry, it'll be fun, c'mon.
