2008 Hick Chic What To Do For Entertainment When You're Not in the Barn Awards!

Hey, remember 2008? I remember it like it was just last month. I can't really move on until I finally hand out my special awards, so get comfy- here are my picks for Entertainment Standouts in 2008!

BEST VILLAIN AWARD

Let's just get this out of the way right now, because there was no equal this year, and might not be for a very long time.

Incredible.  Just look at this still shot - the tension in the shoulders and neck, the hand gestures.  Heath Ledger's Joker is a manically brilliant performance.  And I don't know what else to say.

BEST HERO AWARD

RDJ for IRON MAN

He played his Tony Stark with swaggering attitude, determination, conscience, and the whooping glee of a very smart kid playing with some sophisticated toys. 

Plus lots of excuses to do some hard work with a set of seriously toned pipes, man.  Oh my.  Is it smokin hot in here or is it just him????


Wait- let him get into his white hickhugger first!  Light it up!

I dunno... he might be giving Johnny a little competition this year... just saying...

I'm so pleased to see him back, healthy, better than ever, and making such a wide range of movies.   (And I don't know what else to say.)

UNEXPECTED, UNNECESSARY MOVIE-WRECKING SHARP TURN AWARD

Hancock.

Come on, you love Will Smith.  You know you do.  He can do anything. He can be funny, or perfect, or damaged.  He can sing and dance.  He's gorgeous.  

I saw the ads for Hancock and whooped for joy.  A drunken superhero with a serious public relations problem- he destroys everything in the process of "helping!"  It looked brilliant and funny.  Throw in Charlize Theron and that adorable Jason Bateman and you'd think it couldn't fail.  I won't spoil it just in case you still want to see it, but trust me, it all goes badly sideways once the black leather boots and the black eye make up get busted out.  It's like it's a different movie suddenly.  Bah.  Well at least the first half was funny.  


NOT AS MUCH FUN AS IT SOUNDS AWARD

"Sex on Fire" by Kings of Leon.

No really, think about it.  Ow.  But it doesn't matter because the song is one heck of a fun little earworm and those boys are just so, so so cute.  And so hick chic.  So, yeah, fun, but maybe not literally?

HIGHEST PERCENTAGE OF FUNNY PER MOVIE AWARD

GET SMART
Honestly I snorted, giggled and snickered all the way through this one.  Being a Steve Carell fan helps, for sure, but everybody was on top of their game, and the timing was consistently tight!  Great cast, slick look, sharp writing- and they even tossed in the cute little red Sunbeam Tiger convertible from the original series.  And... the shoe phone!  

Anne Hathaway finally won me over completely.  She was uptight and sharp tongued but not cold enough to be unlikable.  Plus she wore those classy outfits with perfectly controlled sass.  Don't dare try to tell her she's not feminine...

BEST FESS UP AND ADMIT YOU COULDN'T PUT DOWN THIS BOOK AWARD

yeah, I confess.  I could not put it down until I read the whole thing.  And that's all I can say about that.

BEST READ OF THE YEAR, RELEASED THIS YEAR AWARD

Paul Quarrington rocks!  No really, he does - he brought his guitar to a book reading at my local library and everything.  THE RAVINE has the kind of messed up combination of Beautiful and Disturbing that I just love.  The voice of the main character, an arrogant TV writer who's drinking too much while trying to put his life back together, is perfect.  And the ending is not what you expect- in other words, perfect.  Awesome cover too.

CUTEST ANIMATED ROBOT IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD AWARD

WALL-E
Oh my gosh, those big sad eyes, those cute little crawler tracks, the sensitive scavenging, the work ethic!  I just love this little guy.  I love it that he's got such a mechanical will to survive that he collects up spare parts and fixes himself.  Plus he's a romantic little dude.  And also saving the planet and all that.  

NEXT TIME DON'T WAIT SO DARN LONG, SERIOUSLY WHAT WERE YOU DOING THAT WHOLE TIME AWARD

Axl Rose

So it took a decade and a half; he did it.  I had visions of him getting really old and still fiddling with the fabled Chinese Democracy album, having transferred it through countless ProTools upgrades and 50 musicians and 10 producers and five dogs and four houses and a hard drive full of rewrites and remixes and rants.  But no.  He crossed the finish line!!!

Okay, so those numbers are only slightly exaggerated but I'll give him a break.  After all he did offer to share his Dr Pepper with Buckethead.  

I am still very concerned about the hair.  He should take it right down to the wood.  It worked for Rob Halford, metal god of all time.  Just sayin.

MOST CONFUSING ALBUM AWARD

So I broke my ol Sunday shopping rule and made a special trip to a hateful big box store just to buy this CD.  Darn right I did.  And I freely admit that part of it was curiosity.  Part was pure metalhead loyalty.  

AND? 

I knew the first song would rip my head off in the best way possible because I heard the single on the radio.  The second song was not what I expected, but it was hot. Eventually, things went sort of weird .  

I don't know how to describe it... it's just... not what I expected... it's got almost everything in it.  Spanish guitar, programmed drums, gospel choir (I'm not kidding), samples from famous speeches, and the required face melting guitar solos. It sounds expensive.  It does sound like fifteen years' worth of music.  It's just that most artists split that up into three albums, not one. 

It's huge. Epic. It sounds like there are about ten guitars in every song.  Just think of anything you want in a rock song and Axl will give you all that plus ten times more!!!

Axl Rose is back and wants you to know it.  He wants you to know that he's still got his vocal range and he'll use every note to prove it.  Heck, he'll find you some new ones.  He wants you to know that he's still mad but he's making peace with his sensitive side.  He wants you to know that he still rawks but he now does so with precision, not like in those messy old days.  He wants you to know that it's 2008 now and he continues to be the only Axl Rose on the planet.  You will hear his voice and know it could only be him.

But I don't love every song.  

I don't even know if I can tell you if it's a great album or a dud.  I just don't know.  It's a heck of a listen, and if you like it loud, you'll get it.  Just keep in mind that this is not the Appetite For Destruction-era Guns N Roses.  This isn't Use Your Illusion either.  It's not the same band.  It's a guy with a head full of ideas and his own agenda.  You understand that, you'll get along with him just fine.

HEIDI THE HICK'S FAVOURITE ALBUM OF THE YEAR AWARD

BRING ME YOUR LOVE by City and Colour

Oh, sweet Dallas Green and his sweet, sweet voice.  Okay so in his day job he's part of the awesomely shredding screaming metal ripping Alexisonfire, which I also love, but this is different.  This is acoustic music with beautifully written songs, recorded sparingly and performed with sincerity.  I love it.  Some of these lyrics could make you weep if you weren't medicated, I mean it.  

Maybe I love it because the themes of sleep and mental anguish are so recurrent, but presented so gently.  

Have a look and a listen to this dizzying video for "Sleeping Sickness" also featuring Gord Downie of The Tragically Hip:

If you love good music and appreciate songwriting, take my advice and check this out.  My husband didn't have anything to do with this one, so you can be sure that this even unbiased advice!

BEST IDEA FOR A MOVIE THAT I SOMEHOW, SHOCKINGLY, DIDN'T BOTHER TO SEE

Viggo Mortensen!  Ed Harris with his iron jaw and piercing eyes!  And... HORSES!

Not to mention, some amazing clothes.  Yes, when I watch westerns I am looking at the clothes as well as the horses and the cowboys... and the old west set design... I would like a copy of that bench and Viggo's boots, please.

But I didn't go see it.  Could it be that it's called "Appaloosa" and yet I see NO spotted horses?  Pfft.  

BEST FAMOUS PREGNANCY AWARD

Angelina Jolie.  

She wore long dresses and radiant smiles.  She wore actual colours.  She accessorized with Brad Pitt and four children.  She looks good with some weight on her.  Having said that, I'm thinking maybe six kids are enough.  My grandma had six kids and used to burn supper all the time.  Maybe Angie should hire a cook so she can keep some weight on.  I'm thinking of the woman's health, here, people.  

BEST TECHNICALLY NEKKID BUT SOMEHOW STILL WHOLESOME MAGAZINE COVER AWARD

How does she do it?  I highly doubt it's all due to good lighting.  But I've got this crazy idea, one that once thought up, won't leave.  Does she sort of look a little like a young Martha Stewart here?  The chin-down smile?  I'm not trying to ruin anything - Martha's a good looking woman - but do you see it too?  Anyways I'm sick of this photo now and want to tell myself that all actresses have a team of make up artists and personal trainers and cooks.  Moving on.

BEST CREEPY SEXY UNREALISTIC CHARACTER AWARD

ding ding ding!  It's a three way tie!

Will it be red eyed maniac...

...smarmy old man with lecherous sneer and velvet voice...

...or upstart bloodsucker with teardrop shaped eyes and misguided hairdo?

Oh heck, it's my imaginary awards show.  JOHNNY DEPP FOR SWEENEY TODD!

BEST PICKUP TRUCK IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

Bella's truck in Twilight.

It's mulit-layered awesomeness!  It's perfect!  This is the only picture on the interwebs that I could find of this super cool piece of rolling steel, which is whack, because this truck should have its own website.  

That's all folks, have a good night, buh-bye 2008 and watch that the screen door doesn't slap ya in the aaaaaaass on the way out!  

(2009?  You've been warned.)