Friday, February 04, 2011

SAG Awards! C'mon, say it with me, it's fun!

I think the Screen Actors Guild Awards are the weirdest, nuttiest show out there.  First of all, obviously, the acronym.  SAG.  Duh.  It's like a big sign at the entrance: ALL OBSERVERS MUST MAKE JOKES.  Also?  For the introduction, in which the camera showed different people proclaiming "My name is Blah Blah and I am an actor" the mouth and words were out of sync!  We got shots of the backs of people's heads, and some awkward Teleprompter reading.  It just looked sloppy.  Plus the music was awful, but at least some nice union musicians got a gig out of it and I'm all for gigging.

All of that haphazard presentation makes me smile.  I like it when I'm not the only one who can't get the act together!

Best reason why the SAG awards are awesome, other than boob jokes?  The actual award itself! Himself?  There he is, holding his tragedy and comedy masks, with no mouth in his face but quite anatomically accurate.  How can we not crack jokes???  Especially when Betty White runs her hand over the little butt on the dude!?

The award is a little nekkid dude!!!  I saw a clip the next day of James Franco walking past a larger than life statue and patting its bum.  Man, I would totally do that.

I won't bore you with the details concerning who actually won awards.  Basically, Betty White is hilarious and that's the most important thing, really.

She deserved to go home with a nekkid dude!  Even if he is only 11 inches tall! Hey,  she's 89 years old.  And her comedic timing is right on.  And she has pretty silver hair.

Other most important thing?  WHAT WERE PEOPLE WEARING???


Valerie Bertinelli,  looking fantastic. 

My husband had such a crush on her when he was a kid and she was Barbara Cooper.  

And on that topic, here's another lady my husband totally digs: Tina Fey, the chick smart guys crush on.  

Hey, you know last year when I used to call this lady "Eva Longoria Sickofher" instead of Eva Longoria Parker?  Well I did.  She was ubiquitous. On TV, in make up ads, on awards shows, just everywhere, and then being seen with her skeevy basketball player husband.  She found out he was cheating and BOOM he's outta there.  No sobbing interviews or drama, just kicked that loser to the curb, dropped his last name and friggin' got on with it.  Quite triumphantly. And elegantly.

Which is great!  But I don't like this dress.  It makes her look like he waist is at her knees, and that's weird in an unfortunate way instead of a fun way.

But I'm not sick of her anymore.  

I've been told I look like Hilary Swank.  I think it's the toothy grin.  

She looks nice, but kind of...pale?  Flesh coloured?  Hmmmm.

This is the perfect example for young teen girls:  be like Hailee Steinfeld instead of... well, any child star desperate to grow up and shed the kid image by wearing really skanky clothes and getting all messed up/ drunk in public.  And Miss Hailee, stay real!!!! 

How cute is this dress?  It's fun and youthful without screaming "Jailbait!!!" Finally somebody's stylist has gotten a clue!

Ah, one of my favourites.  Helena Bonham Carter, she who wore different coloured shoes to the Golden Globes, and who often shows up wearing layers of gauzy silliness and a hairdo that looks like a grown out shrub - and I mean all of that in the coolest way possible.  I love it that she isn't afraid to stand out.  

And I think she looks really pretty here.

Which is easy because she is pretty.

Check out this saucy face.  Of course she's saucy; she's British.

She's standing around with her sunglasses in her hand, like she just stopped by while driving over to the whatever to pick up a thing.  Cooool.

So, I like this dress.  A lot.  I'd wear it, in a parallel universe.

On those extremely rare occasions requiring me to dress up, I often plan to look somewhat like cute little Mila Kunis here.  Things go off the rails with me, so it's good that the real Mila has it all together.  Thanks, girlfriend.  

Natalie Portman showed off her baby bump and some people thought it was too much information.

I thought she looked so great that I temporarily lost my marbles and thought how cool it would be to get pregnant again, and have a chance to show off my baby belly, but then I gave my head a shake and I'm really quite over the whole thing now. 

I'm not even sure who this chick is but she amuses me.  Check out the pose.  

Years worth of practicing in her bedroom mirror, I'm thinking.  People do straaaange things when confronted with a camera.  I know this from personal experience. 

I love everything about this picture.  Behold - Sofia Vergara, who is both gorgeous and funny.  Now, look behind her.  To the right, Lady Holding Papers.  She's probably in charge of telling people where to go.  To the left, Dude Taking Picture Of Sofia's Lovely Backside.  

She DID NOT win a SAG award, by the way.

See?  How can you not make boob jokes?  Oh come on, we all like boobs, it's okay.

On that note, sort of, I must report that Geoffrey Rush, whom I think is one of the Greats, said these should be called "The Uplifting Awards."  I don't think it was a boob joke.  I just liked it.

And finally, a girl I admired quite a bit in my youth, mostly because of Beetlejuice, and also because she's the reason Johnny Depp has a tattoo on his right upper arm that reads, "Wino Forever."

But Winona Ryder looks a little uncomfortable here.  Maybe even dazed or stunned.   She could have relaxed, because this look really worked out well, I think.

Maybe she's onto something.  Maybe it's best at times to just smile politely and keep your eyes open.  You just never know what's gonna go down at these events...

...and that's what I love about SHOWBIZ!

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