Heidi the Hick hands out the 2010 Awards!

Yeah I know, 2010 was over almost two weeks ago, and I have plenty of good excuses why this is so late, but they're boring, so let's get the fun going and HAND OUT SOME AWARDS!

BEST USE OF JOHNNY DEPP IN A MOVIE:

ALICE IN WONDERLAND

Almost unrecognizable, totally unsexy (unless you're into this kind of thing, hey I won't judge) and really defining the classical use of the word "mad," Johnny is a delight!

A disturbing delight.  A possibly frightening, most likely unpredictable delight.

And really, this is why he's my favourite.  He's not afraid to do this, and he throws himself right into it.  I mean seriously, is this nightmare inducing or hilarious?  BOTH!

MOST IGNORED USE OF JOHNNY DEPP IN A MOVIE

THE TOURIST

He looks gorgeous in this flick.  The fake beard is kind of fun.  Yeah it's fake; when have you ever seen him as himself with that much carefully manscaped facial hair?  Also: am I the only one who obsesses about details like beards and moustaches and silver hairs???

Anyways... I couldn't tell from the trailers if it was a thriller, a black comedy or a romance.  All of the above?  The scenery looks really nice...

It's not that I didn't want to go see it, it's just that December is not a good time of year for me to go gallivanting to the movie theatre, but having said that I don't really gallivant very often, so um, sorry Johnny.  I didn't see your movie.  I'll catch it on video!!

Dude, nice jammies!

BEST TANK STUNT

Okay, think it over.  TANK STUNT.

I don't care if it's impossible, alright?  Tank stunt, people.  

Also, Bradley Cooper has pretty blue eyes.

Hey, help me out here: was the original van from the show a Ford?  It's a badass GMC this time around.  This movie totally ignited my craving to have a full size van with a fully shag carpeted interior.  

THE "TOM FRIGGIN CRUISE DOES ALL HIS OWN STUNTS" AWARD

GOES TO TOM CRUISE!!!

How funny is this still shot?  

I took my younguns to see this.  I couldn't tell you what the heck it's about... just lots of chase scenes and  explosions.  The kids loved it, because, you know, TOM FRIGGIN CRUISE.  He does all his own stunts you know. 

It was fun, despite all the gun shooting and crap.   I'm not crazy about shooting scenes.  But oh man, the three of us roared with laughter when ALL the black clad Bad Guys fell to their deaths, fatally wounded from one well-aimed shot.  Classic!

I wish they would have done more with Cameron Diaz.  She played a chick who restores muscle cars, but we only saw the '66 GTO maybe three times.  Rip off!  It irritated me that she spent most of the movie getting drugged or being knocked unconscious. This is Cameron Diaz... doesn't she do All Her Own Stunts too?  

There are so many behind the scenes pictures like this on the internet.  Know why?  CUZ HE DOES ALL HIS OWN STUNTS!

(Nice boots, Cam!)

MOST AWESOME SUPERVILLAIN COMEDY

DESPICABLE ME!

Loved it!  Love the politically incorrect, vaguely accented villain.

Love the three kids.

Love the minions.  Don't even know what the heck they are, but they're funny.

Love the nerdy up-coming villain.  Groovy pad, dude.

Adored Kyle the vicious dog. 

Watch it and have a laugh.

MOST INCREDIBLE TRILOGY/ BEST BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD

Believe all the praise you hear about The Hunger Games Trilogy.  It is well written, intense, gripping, frightening, and will make you think about the world we live in.  

I warn you: be prepared to read all three.  

It is the rare story that grabbed me, then my 16 year old daughter, then my 14 year old son.  Worth the money to buy all three of the books.  

BEST FAMILY DRAMA, NOVEL CATEGORY

SOME KIND OF NORMAL by Heidi Willis was technically published at the end of 2009, but I read it in 2010 and it's my blog so I say it counts.  

Mostly I'm putting it here because I love this story.

I've bought it twice to give away as a gift.  That's how much I love it.  

BEST SERIES WRITTEN BY A GUY I KNOW IN REAL LIFE!

The DREAMCAST series by Paul Telegdi.  

I knew about this guy's skill at storytelling, as I'd read a few of his books already.  For these stories, he goes in a different direction: Young man discovers psychic abilities (very unpleasantly) and feels compelled to stop violent criminals.  

Here's his website!

BEST DEPRAVED ROCK STAR AUTOBIOGRAPHY

It's the book I'm reading at the time I'm writing this report.  Yep, got it for Christmas!  Enjoying it, cos it's bluddy grawer up yer muvvah fargggher!  Larf larf larf!  Izzex endrugs en rogckenroll, man!

Of course, I award Keef's book, but I haven't read I AM OZZY yet...!

THE ACTOR CAREER SWITCH NOVEL AWARD

After reading an excerpt, I asked for it for a gift.  So let's see, Steve Martin is: a wild and crazy guy, a grammy winning banjo player, an actor and a pretty darn good writer.  

BEST BAND YOU NEED TO FIND OUT ABOUT AWARD

You know when you have a friend who's in a band, and you know he's a good musician, but you're deathly afraid that his band might not be very good so you're nervous to go see them?  And you know that feeling of relief when you find out the whole band are good musicians, they totally have their s*** together, and put on a rocking live show?  Oh, and then your elation when you get their album in your hands, and the packaging is gorgeous, and the songs are excellent and it ROCKS?!

THAT.

(To be honest, I totally expected this to be awesome, and it is.)

THE "COMEBACK? HE NEVER WENT AWAY" AWARD 

ROBERT PLANT!

He went back to Nashville and made a record, called BAND OF JOY with a whole new set of musicians.  It's kind of a bluegrass meets folk meets early Golden-God-Rock.  Right? Wonderful.

But maybe don't trust my opinion.  I'm totally biased.  I love the man.  If he sang the phone book I'd swoon.  

Oh, you gnarly old lion. I am still in love with yoooooooooo!

I don't care if you're the same age as my mother!  

My love doesn't lead to the freeway and I don't care what the neighbours say.

This concludes Heidi the Hick's 2010 Awards.

Hey, started the awards with Johnny Depp and finished with Robert Plant.  

Maybe 2010 wasn't so bad after all!

TWILIGHT The Movie (and a big room full of screaming teenage girls)

Confession: I have read all four of Stephenie Meyer's forbidden-love-teenage-vampire books.  I read them quickly and breathlessly.  The woman knows how to tell a suspenseful and engaging story, I'll tell you that.  I'll also freely admit that as a grown woman, I had a few problems with our main man, vampire Edward Cullen.  Oh boy, what do we think of him... Ideal Fantasy Boyfriend???  Intelligent, stunningly gorgeous, physically superior, musically talented, thoughtful, passionate, gentlemanly old fashioned, able to leap across an icy parking lot and save you from a van about to pin you against the solid door of your old pickup truck in less than a second?  

OR is he Potentially Abusive Boyfriend???  Controlling under the guise of protecting, telling you what you think, possessive, oh, and uh, has been sneaking into your bedroom to watch you sleep for like, the last two months?  (Creepy?  Sexy?  CREEPY!)

NONE of that matters.  It didn't stop me from reading after the first book, and I was right there on opening night at the movie theatre, with my 14 year old daughter and one of her friends.  I wouldn't have wanted to have been anywhere else.  We walked in and within seconds I was meeting new friends from Grade 9.  Every three steps there were more greetings and squeals and giggles.  Scary-fun.  Teenage girls are the strangest combo of vicious/ happy, which goes a long way in explaining this story's success.

Not to mention... apparently I'm not the only mother who got caught up in the saga.  In the packed audience, I counted one boy, and three dads.  Every other movie watcher was sitting in a cloud of her own female hormones.  It was crazeee.  

The girls applauded the previews.  They shrieked and clapped when the screen blackened, resulting in a flurry of "Sh!  Sh!  Sh!  Shut up!  Shhhhh!  SHH!" and that in turn resulted in me slumped down in my seat shaking with silent giggles, and then my two girls noticing and giggling, making me fear a giant SHUSHING from the ravenous horde of teenagers, which then made me shake with even harder silent giggles.  

It was awesome.

Finally the title flashed on the screen and we all clapped and screamed like the freakin Beatles were back.  

So, is it a good movie or not?

Answer: YES. 

It's a gorgeous looking movie.  The actors are good to look at, the scenery is amazing, and it's lovingly, dreamily filmed.  One of the things I liked about the books was the constant feeling of a low grey sky, and a suppressed restlessness under the surface.  Don't ask how, cuz I don't know, but it's visual.

The story is told precisely and with good pacing.  It's just surreal enough, and just realistic enough.  

The actors are so well cast it almost shocked me.  I mean, the kid who plays Mike Newton was PERFECT.  Alice Cullen is as accurate as humanly possible.  Billy Black and Charlie Swan?  Any future re-read of that book will have their faces.  I'm usually irritated by that.  I hate it that my own visualization of the characters is replaced by actors.  Maybe it's the clear descriptions in the book, but for the most part everybody looked like I thought they should.

Even the music was right.  Bands like Muse and Linkin Park got a spin (Meyer favourites) as well as some classical (Debussey; look it up)  ("You can google it") all of which added up to a moody thrill of atmosphere.

Bella's truck, a significant character actually, was perfect.  I must include the wonderful truck.  

I got the impression that it's a '55 Chevy in the book, but I'm pretty sure this is a '62 Chevy.   What can I say, I'm a truck freak.  I'm pretty sure Stephenie Meyer likes cars too.  I'd encourage young girls to notice things like this.  It's just good knowledge to have.  

I'll give them props though, for getting the colour and condition of the truck right.  It's completely awesome and I love, love, love it!   Just as in the book this old truck is a bright spot in Bella's life.  

Bella.  As played by Kristen Stewart, she's much more stubborn and much less drip.  She's still shy and awkward, but with a current of spunkiness.  They got it all right: the jeans and mittens and sweatshirts wardrobe, the lack of make up, the looking down while delivering deadpan one liners.  What a relief.  I really wanted to like that kid.

This is one of the most faithful movie adaptations I've ever seen.  Quite a few lines of dialogue were lifted straight out of the book.  The plot wasn't screwed around with either.  A few characters were omitted just to keep things manageable, but generally it's all there.  It would have to be, or else there would be hordes of angry crying screaming teenage girls protesting.  I don't think any of us want that, do we?

I loved seeing this movie amid a horde of teenage girls.  I got to clap and whoop enthusiastically when Edward, in Ray Ban shades, opened the door of his car to let Bella out and casually threw his arm over her shoulder, letting the whole world (school) know that they're together now.  That's one of those high school memories that you either have had, or always wished you could have.  

As for those mixed feelings I have for this story... I feel better now.  All my sermons to the girls about not mistaking control for love, and the whole thing was summed up when he confesses to watching her sleep at night and a girl somewhere in the middle of the theatre called out, "STALKER!"  A wave of knowing snickers followed.  They get it.


 

This is a horror/love story for the cautious, frightened present.  We still want the forbidden love, the thrill of the unknown, but a nice vegetarian vampire isn't %100 off limits, right?  It's bucketloads of sexual tension, damn near heartstopping, but it's all above the chest.  Everybody's still a virgin at the end, and only the baddest bad guy dies.  (and he's really baaaad too!!!!)

Oh, and also?  It's a movie.  It's pretend.

I'd recommend it, and without spoiling the whole thing, I'll just say that the ending will make you want to see more!

Hello Groin by Beth Goobie

An author with the name of Beth Goobie has written a book called Hello Groin and it’s about a 16 year old girl struggling with her carefully hidden suspected homosexuality. This has got to take guts. Oh, and also, it’s set in the Canadian province of Saskatchewan. Yeah. Gutsy.

GUTS kept coming up in my mind as I read it. It’s such a visceral, gut wrenching, blushing, chest thumping, crotch tingling, heart breaking book.

Some of the images are very vivid. However, some of the words in between the vivid imagery are slightly awkward, as some images are repeated too much. I’d have to say that’s my only complaint about this book.

Dylan is a popular athletic and good looking 16 year old girl with a best friend whom she treasures and a boyfriend whom she adores. Problem is, she’s not turned on by Cam. She’s getting lustful feelings for Jocelyn, and she can’t figure out if those feelings are mutual. She’s very confused.

At first, as Dylan is trying to figure out if she’s gay or not, and realizing that she can’t pretend that she’s not anymore, I couldn’t quite figure out why it was a big deal. I hoped that a kid can come out these days without being beaten up or horribly ostracized.

Maybe we’ll never get to that point in our society. These 21st century kids still have a problem with it...and all for their own quiet reasons.

Dylan simply doesn’t want to be gay. She wants to feel lust for the boy she loves. She wants to find herself ten years later married to him and maybe with a child. She wants to be in love with a husband like the relationship her parents have. For her, it doesn’t matter what society accepts, or what it scorns. It’s a limitation she’s put on herself.

This is the tension in the novel. She doesn’t want to hurt her boyfriend...but she is in love with best friend Jocelyn. As events unfold, she fears she could lose them both.

The author got the teenaged mindset right. These kids are ruled by their peers, by sex, or the lack of, by the struggle between authority and rebellion, but unruly hormones, and by their brains, rapidly expanding with knowledge. They tell each other what books are changing their lives and what music defines them.

The character of Dylan would be pleased that this book is not just about sexuality; it’s about justice and honour and censorship. It’s about free speech and respect.

I particularly appreciated the way all the characters have changed and developed by the end of the book. Nobody is the same by the end.

I decided to read this book for several reasons:
-I’m writing a book about teenagers.
-I’m considering this publisher for a query when I’m done.
-I have such mixed feelings about that title that I just had to read the whole book.

Overall the tricky subject matter is handled sensitively, there isn’t too much offensive cussing, and despite the constant mental ruminations, the turmoil in Dylan’s head, the story clips along at a good pace, making us feel like the book was a good way to spend a few hours.

It isn’t the absolute best book I’ve ever read, but it’s pretty darn good. I recommend it to any young people, not just those facing a similar struggle. With it being so teen centred, I don’t know if many adults would be interested in it, although I found it to be a good read.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time by Mark Haddon

I am embarrassed that it took me four years to get my eyes on this book. Now that I’ve read it, I can say that yes, it was worthy of all the hype. It actually crossed over from the Young Adult category and repackages as commercial fiction. It may be about a teenage boy but it’s so interesting that a wide audience can appreciate it. It’s no wonder it’s become a huge crossover success since it’s publication in 2003.

Our odd hero, Christopher, is autistic, although now that I’ve read it I can’t remember if it’s ever stated so plainly. He’s brilliant with numbers and science, but can’t understand facial expressions. Facts give him comfort, jokes confuse him. He does not want surprises but instead takes comfort in schedules.




He sees absolutely everything in every detail and that’s why sometimes when he’s overwhelmed, which is often, he has to shut his eyes and groan to block everything out. The colours yellow and brown almost make him physically ill, and he’ll scream if he’s touched. He doesn’t cry when other people do. But he does like dogs.

Now imagine how things go when he discovers the body of his neighbour’s dog when he’s out on a night walk, and decides to solve the mystery of Who Killed Wellington.



He’s going to write a book, and not one of those novels with things called metaphors which make no sense. He’s going to write a book about the facts of his detecting.


His detective work uncovers some very unexpected facts and ends up taking him on a journey that he never would have taken before the Incident.


The amazing thing about this book is that Christopher’s voice is captured so perfectly. This book never breaks character! We really are inside his head.




It’s so realistically written that even while one part of you is thinking how irritating it must be to have to deal with a kid like him, you’re feeling an affection for his total honesty, and you’re really cheering for him.

Suddenly it’s perfectly understandable that you’d have times when you must tune a radio between stations and hold it up to your ear to drown out all the stimulation in the world. And of course you would scream if another human touched you. Clearly it would be better to live in a world where nobody said silly things that required no answer, and nobody ever looked at each other’s faces.



In fact, being someone who struggles with anxiety disorder, I had a very hard time reading about Christopher’s lone trip on the Brit rail. I really felt his pain. It made we wish that I was good at complex mathematical equations as a way of calming myself...





It may have been written for a teen audience, but anybody can read it, appreciate it, and maybe even get a better understanding of how a difficult young man’s mind works. Mark Haddon completely deserves the praise he got for this book.

I highly recommend a read of it and I give it FIVE OUT OF FIVE JOHN DEERE TRACTORS.