THE HICK CHIC BEST of 2007 AWARDS

Welcome everybody! Hunker down with your popcorn and whatever refreshing beverage you've chosen, and enjoy the show!

Lots of stuff happened in 2007 but really, over here in this neck of the woods it's all about what entertained us. Let's take a look...and hand out some MAJOR AWARDS!!





THE "BEST MOST PERFECT ALBUM OF THE YEAR" AWARD goes to...

RAISING SAND by Robert Plant and Alison Kraus.



HAVE I EVER MENTIONED THAT I LOVE ROBERT PLANT?


I glorified this collaboration recently and I'll tell anybody who'll listen how awesome it is.



Watch the video- lots of long blonde hair, big grins, and T Bone Burnett rockin out! I think I need to borrow her dress and boots for my next big real life awards show.




THE "I LOVED IT BUT JETHRO THOUGHT IT SHOULD SOUND BETTER" AWARD goes to...



The White Stripes, Icky Thump.

Jethro was disappointed in the sound of the record. He has really high standards, is consistently disappointed by what's hitting the air and the store shelves, and has always trusted our man Jack White to make a good sounding record for him. He took it pretty hard. Digs the songs though. Me, I still love Jack White. Pretty much unconditionally.



THE "NOT JUST FOR MALLPUNKS, MOMMY LOVES IT TOO" AWARD goes to...

FAMOUS LAST WORDS by Hedley.






The song in this here video also qualifies this band for THE "I CAN'T BELIEVE I LIKE THIS BALLAD" AWARD. Good job, boys!!




THE "BEST COUNTRY SONG" as well as JETHRO'S "HOT IN A CRAZY SCORNED ANGRY CHICK KIND OF WAY" AWARD goes to...

Carrie Underwood.



I don't generally condone violence against pickup trucks. Jethro doesn't usually dig blondes. But hot damn.








And now, THE "GOOD THING WE ALL STILL LIKE EACH OTHER" AWARD will be shared by the following acts, because this was a huge year for REUNION TOURS!!


The Police got back together!



I didn't see it. I am so ashamed of myself for not even catching the Grammy Awards this year. Shame.

Van Halen got back together!



Well, sort of. Michael Anthony split, and without him...I mean, he's so underrated! When I want my Van Halen, I want the crashing cymbals, I want the shredding brownsound guitar, and the arrogant, tongue-in-cheek borderline comedic frontman...and I want the rock solid bass and sweet background harmonies! I miss Mike. I have no doubt young Wolfgang can do the job- he grew up with it after all- but you know, Edward has been known to fire bandmates...although he has kept his brother around for over twenty years...

Regardless, I didn't see anything on YouTube worth sharing. I refuse to post a link because why should all of our hearts be broken? I'd rather put on my Van Halen II cassette and be happy. For what it's worth, Diamond Dave was short haired, high foreheaded, white toothed, leather clad, and awesome. Gotta have a bright point here.


Rage Against The Machine got back together!




I didn't see it. I would have loved to. I would have taken the kids too. Except for the crowds and all that, y'know. But seriously. Rage. They are just as relevant now as they were 10-15 years ago.



So I wasn't there, but from what I dug up on the intermittent net, they were awesome. TimCom with his terrifying tattoos and massive arms, Fender P-Bass up under his pits! Crazy Zack with his afro! Morello arming the homeless with mystifying moves and his guitar jammed up even higher under his pits! Cute little Brad Wilk behind the kit keeping the whole thing on track!



I hope there's a DVD coming. I can only hope.

And the really big news...


Led Zeppelin got back together.


Sort of. As much as physically possible without the late great John Bonham.



I wasn't there.

Don't even get me started. I couldn't go. Even if I could have, I couldn't have. I might have spontaneously combusted. Or exploded. Or imploded. Dangerous. Better to stay home and imagine what could have been. Trust me.

The next day, our YouTube search had Jethro and me alternately groaning and shivering at the magnificence of the Best Band In The World Ever...even if the Bonzo was the Junior version.


Here...complete with the big screen and feedback squeals...



It's as close as some of us will ever get.

Even with some dooooode hollerin along with it, all captured on somebody's crappy little cellphone, you get how awesome this must have been...



And like I said I wasn't there. In my dreams.



THE "JUSTIN HAWKINS FALSETTO" AWARD goes to the young chap who's also the recipient of the 'THERE WILL ONLY EVER BE ONE FREDDY MERCURY BUT SOMETIMES WE GET A LIVE ONE" AWARD:



Now you all know I pretty much live under a rock. Who is this person??? Where did he come from? Lebanon? Paris? London? All of the above? I don't normally listen to pop but this catchy tune has a vocal that slapped me upside the head. Kaching is right, baby!



I read a lot this past year. I read for education- to see what's being published these days- and I read for the pure joy of it. There were a lot of good books in 2007.




THE "BOOK THAT BLEW MY MIND" AWARD goes to...

ANTHEM OF A RELUCTANT PROPHET by Joanne Proulx.


Oh looky here, a video...



A 17 year old smart mouth slacker with too much smarts for his own good suffers from death premonitions and missing girl posters while skateboarding around his nasty little town. Blood, death, religion, sex, White Stripes and Red Hot Chili Peppers. All the good stuff.



THE "BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE" AWARD goes to...THE INVENTION OF HUGO CABRET by Brian Selznick.



Watch this!





THE "BEST KID BOOK THAT ANYBODY WITH A TWISTED SENSE OF HUMOUR CAN LOVE" AWARD goes to...

ALEX AND THE IRONIC GENTLEMAN by Adrienne Kress!



It's freaky deaky cheeky fun with healthy dash of darkness....that agreeable combination that a parent and kids can all enjoy together!




THE "MEMOIR THAT COULD CHANGE THE WORLD" AWARD goes to

PRISONER OF TEHRAN by Marina Nemat





Honestly I was afraid to read this book. She was imprisoned as a teenager and tortured. I am so glad I read it though, because ultimately it is a story of hope. It's the story of a fierce independence that will not be silenced. It's about peace. Read it.



THE "PARANORMAL ROMANCE, VAMPIRE WEREWOLF LOVE TRIANGLE" AWARD goes to...

ECLIPSE by Stephenie Meyer.



Are you kidding me? Edward may be physically perfect, educated, elegant, intelligent, freakishly strong, gentlemanly, musically talented, did I mention physically perfect- male model- gorgeous? But, like, cold, dude, and control freak much? Like, I'd totally take the ginormous 6' 7" brown skinned, black haired, funny, daredevil, sweetheart innocent minded hot skinned puppy dog native kid from the reservation up the road, any day. Did I mention 107 degrees hot? Literally, Jacob Black is hot. Bella is, like, such a drip. Can't stand the sight of blood and she's gonna marry a vampire. Duh. I cannot wait to see what Jacob's gonna do in the next book!!!!




THE "BITTERSWEET IT'S OVER" AWARD goes to...



HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS by JK Rowling. Call me sappy but I cried all the way through it. Yeah, it really frustrated me in places. But where it excelled, it was amazing. Dobby, Snape, the Weasleys. Was the epilogue cheesy? Yeah. But look at it this way: after all the drama, a dash of peaceful normality was kinda nice.




THE "HEARTWARMING UPLIFTING TRAGICOMEDY TRIUMPH" AWARD goes to...



LOTTERY by Patricia Wood.

A) No matter who you are, you should read this book. B) Who do you consider a hero? C) Who are your real friends and family? D) Does money really matter? E) Does intelligence really matter? F) These characters are gems.




THE "DAMAGED HERO" AWARD goes to...



UNDERCOVER PROTECTOR by Molly O'Keefe. I don't actually read much romance, but if you want to learn how to put together a plot, I suggest checking it out. A romantic hero has to have some emotional flaw that gives our heroine a challenge, but this hero is damaged physically as well. He's also charming, funny, and complex- everything to make a reader cheer for him. Plus, this is one gritty little story.




THE "LAUGH, CRY AND FEEL GOOD BY THE END" AWARD goes to...



THE PENNY TREE by Holly Kennedy. I don't want to say too much about the plot because I don't want to give it away! I will say that the heroine's strange predicament- an anonymous admirer posts ads in the paper looking for her- adds up to some comedic moments, culminating in a surprise twist and yes, a couple of nose tingly teary moments. She's good that way.




THE "I ONLY GO SEE ESCAPIST FANTASY AT THE MOVIE THEATRE" AWARD goes to...

Me!



THE "MICHELLE PFEIFFER ROCKS AND I WANT A GOAT CHARIOT" AWARD goes to...

Stardust!








THE "GREAT VISUALS, THOSE KIDS ARE REALLY GROWING UP, AND ALAN RICKMAN RULES" AWARD goes to...

Harry Potter And The Order of the Phoenix







THE "CONVOLUTED SWAGGERING RIDICULONG" AWARD, THE "I DON'T CARE I STILL LOVE IT" AWARD, AND THE "JOHNNY DEPP COULD READ THE PHONE BOOK AND I'D WATCH" AWARD goes to...



Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End



It is also the recipient of THE "I LOVE BRITISH MEN" AWARD (well that's obvious) as well as THE "I LOVE AUSTRALIAN MEN" AWARD



THE "KEEF IS WICKED COOL" AWARD




THE "EYE CANDY BEST PRESENTED COVERED IN GRIME" AWARD



as well as THE "SERIES OF AWESOME LINES AND GREAT SCENES HELD TOGETHER BY A MOSTLY CRAP MOVIE" AWARD.



Oh and I almost forgot- THE "DAMN YOU, SHE SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN HER OWN SHIP, SHE'S THE BIGGEST PIRATE OF EM ALL" AWARD. In other words, don't stick around for the epilogue after the credits.



Oh I almost forgot to forget- THE "JERRY BRUCKSPLOSION PYRO AWARD FOR EXCELLENCE IN BLOWING S*** UP" AWARD! That pretty much goes without saying, really.



THE "WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME THAT I MISSED THIS" AWARD goes to...

Me, again.

There was a BRAD PITT COWBOY MOVIE and I did not see it.





Seriously, what was I thinking????

The scenery looks so bleak and beautiful. Never mind that I pretty much know how the story ends...



THE "BEST MOVIE OF 2007 THAT I HAVEN'T SEEN" AWARD goes to...



Sweeney Todd. It showed up here just a week before the year ended...and I haven't been able to get out of the house to see it. Damn you, music industry! Let Jethro go! Unshackle him! I don't want to go see it alone because it's all, like, scary and stuff. Bloooooody! But so stylin...



But you know how I feel about Tim Burton. You know this. All the still shots are gorgeous- dark, shadowed, with a palette of black and grey and crimson. Just beautiful. Some of my favourite actors are in this film! Johnny! Helena! Alan Rickman!!!

I have to sweet talk somebody into seeing this movie with me!

Best of all, high point of my year, favourite award here...




THE "RECORDING ENGINEER OF THE YEAR/ GUY I LOVE THE MOST IN THE WHOLE WORLD" AWARD goes to...



My one n only.

It's been a good year. Hang on tight for 2008!

The 2007 Hick Chic Grammy Report!

I do love the Grammy Awards, even if it's bloated, self congratulatory and boring! I also love all of you, my readers, my blog buddies! I endure the sweet torture so that you don't have to. I'm takin' it for our team, okay?

Okay first of all, I missed the Police. I was talking to my mom on the phone about my Dad avoiding frostbite while snowblowing with the tractor and didn't get to the TV on time. I have mixed feelings about this. While my Dad's fingers and toes are worth more than a Police reunion performance, I was curious, and yet hesitant, because what if they totally sucked?




And the day after I'm still confused because one report stated a standing ovation, while another claimed that it was so lame nobody stood up. Whatever. I missed it, and Dad's got new mitts.



Next, Joan Baez introduced the Dixie Chicks.
I'm gonna come right out and say it- she looks great. Of course she's got wrinkles- how old is she? She righteously deserves them- and look how fit she is, and her beautiful silver hair.

As for the Dixie Chicks, the only thing I didn't like about this performance was the new Natalie Maines Serious Artist Hairdo.

Otherwise I thought the whole thing was very heartfelt, which can be difficult when surrounded by a huge string section and 40 guitar players. I'd love to see this with fewer musicians but they done good.

May I say that Prince is the coolest? Am I ready to admit that I really dug him in the 80s? Listening to my Purple Rain cassette while staring out the window at the barn in a snowstorm?
This man is so cool that IF he were to sweat it would be drops of liquid menthol.

Beyonce. Ah, Beyonce. So physically perfect. So abundantly talented. So insanely gorgeous. I'm so tired of her.
I really am. I'm sorry. This was her "Jennifer Who" performance and while it was very good I couldn't help but notice the amount of reverb on her mic. An attempt at more magnificence?? Ever since she lost weight I hardly recognize her. At least she's not white and blonde, because then she'd really blend, and it's just not right for Beyonce to blend.

Mary J Blige. The only woman who can make Bono insignificant.
She thanks God and actually sounds like she means it! She squeezed in more Thank Yous than anybody else and reeled off at least 50 just during the Wrap It Up music! I think she had a really good night and well deserved.


Shakira. Gawd. Listen, I dig her action- I have great respect for her honest hips and wish I could do that. I could, once, back when I didn't actually have hips yet. If I keep up my Pilates maybe I'll attempt it when nobody's looking...and I do have hair like that every time it rains...
...but WHO the HELL gave this girl permission to sing? Yeeeesh! Does she need her sinuses unblocked? This is the second awards show that I turned the volume down on her.


Tony Bennett and Stevie Wonder. Stevie does not know what he's wearing, so I'll not say nasty things about his clothes. Tony thanked Target. He knows where his bread gets buttered. He's been doing this thing long enough to know.

My daughter loves Tony Bennett and I'm okay with that.

That Timberlake kid, who sat with his mom and was the only other person who spent more time onstage than Mary J?
Y'know, he's pretty talented. He should stick with this music thing. He could really do something with it.

The Corrine Bailey Rae/ John Legend/ John Mayer thing would have been lovely if it weren't for the distortion. I don't know. Being married to a recording engineer has ruined me. I can't listen to that without thinking that these guys are supposed to know how to avoid that. It's the friggin Grammys. Hire guys who know what the f**k they're doing. I know it's a big production but geez. Anyways. Three very talented people who sounded great together. I wish I could have found a picture of that performance.

Speaking of John Mayer... he cracks me up. He's starting to look a little bit Edward Scissorhands with the hair and the paleness. I like it, because I love Edward forever. But he's so funny! He either looks totally smoked up...
or in a strange combination of ecstasy and agony...

and I really hope he was joking on the red carpet about the tux being for his wedding in May. That's just wrong.

Gnarls Barkley proved that a good song can be totally screwed with and still work. They covered their own song.
This guy is huge and has an amazing voice and a hell of a lot of white teeth. My daughter thinks he's awesome.

Ludacris thanked Oprah. I had no idea she was a big hip hop fan. What the heck do I know...and why did he keep his shades on? That's so messed up rock star. Stop that. Only Prince can do that.

I was rather confused that Dixie Chicks won Best Country Album because I have this album, and it ain't country. In fact I think it's a crap album. I know it's hard to separate it from that political and personal controversy, but on a strictly musical basis, it's crap. I said it when it first came out and I'm saying it now. I hope after this, they'll go back and find some hot writers to collaborate with, and remember the concept of harmonies as opposed to unison singalongs, and come up with some better lyrics.

I mean, come on. "I'm still mad as hell and I don't have time to go round and round and round." How long does it realistically take to go round and round and round? I can do it right now.

See? I just went round and round and round and you hardly even noticed. No more lazy lyrics! Leave that to the interchangeable pop airheads! You are the freakin Dixie Chicks! Don't shut up, okay? But please, SING! I want to love them again, I really do.But you know, they look happy, and I'm very happy for them, because this has got to feel pretty damn good.

Speaking of country music... Here's little Carrie Underwood, who clearly benefitted from the grind of that show she was on, and is developing a perfect Country Singer Big Blonde Hairdo.

I really liked this Bob Wills tribute. It was pure Old Country and lots of fun. But I'd like to fire the soundman.

I don't like the Eagles. This surprises many people, me included. I hate Hotel California and always will. So Rascal Flatts turns in a better performance than the original and confirms to me that Rascal Flatts are the Best Cover Band Ever. Very professional. Note perfect and boring. Moving on.

I was really glad to see Jazz saxophonist Ornette Coleman getting some Recognish before he croaks. They gave out like, 500 Lifetime Achievement awards, mostly to deceased folks.

I must also say that Lionel Richie sang my least favourite song of his (it's right up there with Hotel California) but he looks and sounds great.

I'm not sure what this was.
Chris Brown is a hell of a mover and even had a little trampoline routine which was very cool but if there was music involved I missed it because I was too busy watching his feet.

Christina Aguilera. She is awesome. Her hair looks fried but man, she is electric.

This is from her performance of "It's a Man's World" and I was speechless. Everyone else can just shu'up.






Which leads me to the James Brown tribute. How would they honour The Godfather of Soul? I thought this was perfect.
The empty cape draped over the mic stand made me weep.

We'll let his body of work speak for him. Nobody else can speak for him anyways.


But then...James Blunt. Why, why, why? He's one of the few English men who does not turn my crank. Make him stop.



Red Hot Chili Peppers closed the show with the kind of beautiful mess that only they can pull off.


Most people will tell you that they sucked but I love them irrationally so I'm going to tell you that they were interesting. Frusciante has shorn his crazy long hair and sprouted a full beard, making it even harder for me to recognize him and attempt eye contact. Flea was dressed-in-yellow-she-says-hello-come-sit-next-to-me-ya-fine-fellow and yes he did bust a move. Chad Smith is awesome and must often wonder how a normal guy like him who looks like your mechanic ended up with those three characters. Anthony...ah Anthony... he has the worst pitch and most charisma since David Lee Roth.


After their acceptance speech, in which Chad challenged all watchers to go start a rock band, I am gonna go start me a rock band. We'll call ourselves the Punk Ass Cowpokes and it'll be a country-punk-heavy metal-blues band. Who's in????

So it was a long excruciating ordeal and I love-hated it as much as I always do. Here are a few more details to wrap it all up:

Impending Worry of the Evening: Scarlett Johanson is apparently making a record.
Listen, I totally dig her. I think she's gorgeous, I have enjoyed her dramatic stylings in several movies, and she has a wonderful raspy speaking voice. But do we really need another singing movie star? Or an acting singing star? And does she really need to have Jessica-Avril-Ashlee-Hilary's hair? Is this necessary???

Unlikely rock stars of the evening: Neil Portnow, the President of the Acadamy, who always does an awesome music biz pep talk that makes me wanna run right out and buy 50 saxaphones for my kids' schools, and Al Gore, the Former Next President of the United States, who makes me wanna run right out and cut the power lines to my house and never drive anywhere ever again.


Here is a photo of a person called Imogen Heap whom I've read about and who is apparently a critic's darling: This outfit is a disaster but it's so crazy that I must like it. And I looooooove those white boots.


Do you know who this is?

This is Ike Turner. He is not dead or in jail, and he won a Grammy.
Nice to see that he's all cleaned up and sane now. Umm...

This is Nelly Furtado. I want to smack the smirk off her face. Seriously, who is her image stylist, who would advise her to put on such a face? She's beautiful but she looks so weird, in a very bad way!
And that dress is nasty. She's hosting the Juno Awards this year. She'll probably squint and pucker her way through the whole thing. See, kids, look what being a Promiscuous Girl does to your face! Keep your legs together if you don't wanna end up like this.

Jamie Foxx. You're handsome and award winningly talented. And you're funny.
Now put it away, dear.

Jennifer Hudson. I am not tired of her. She may come back next year.


So after all of that, I picked up all the dog toys and the slippers and the popcorn bowl, and put the empty back in the case, and stumbled into bed. I need to rest up now for the Oscars and I'm flippin exhausted!!

Like I said...God help me, I just loooooove showbiz.